Wii Ware - Pub Darts

Now don't get my wrong I like the Wii. I like the old skool games that you can play and also the golfing games are fair fun. But the level of response that were asking from the remote is a bit too much.

After getting my self some Wii points I decided to download pub darts as;

A. I don't have room for a dart board.
B. So I can rat on it for being pants.
So here it is.

Starting up the game and you're introduced to a bar room scenario. Not bad start. I made myself a good looking chap and knuckled down to some serious playing.

Hold the remote like a dart, Hold A and aim and release A and the dart flew clean into the treble 20. good luck? So I threw another and again treble 20. Strangely this carried on for the entire game untill I threw a perfect game. A NINE DART GAME!!

Then from the side of the board a Wii Phil Taylor appeared and started waving at me. There was then a knock at the door and SKY tv walked through and began filming me. I turned back round and Phil Taylor was climbing out of the screen. Confetti then rained from the sky and champagne was flowing as I was carried about in a golden throne. I signed up for the professional leagues and the rest is history.

What actually happened was a piss poor attempted at simulating darts. In fact it didn't even simulate a computer game. You'd get as much entertainment from standing in you toilet and trying to piss in the porcelain from across the room, with the door shut, with a straight jacket on, pissed, and if you super glued your knob to your leg and then it turns out your not even in your house but in a school and you're being arrested for indecent exposure, then you start crying and you just wish you'd gone to the pub and played darts.

This game costs 500 points and there are 500 points not to play this game but if you enjoy frustration then please buy it.

DP rating out of 5: Completely shit/5

CLOVERFIELD - I can't believe it's not shiter

so here is a dpd on cloverfield.

Let's start from the beginning - the tag line on the dvd says "something has found us" and the statue of liberty is missing it's head. ohhh. fucking hell watch out I'm already shaking like an uncontrollable spazz.

If you can't wait to find out what's found us then turn the DVD over and all is revealed.

It's a large daddy long legs.
OH NO! its lanky! and it apparently gives birth to little things - but that's the daddy long legs covered. The main questions are as follows.

1. How did it get here?

How the piss did we miss it getting here i believed we had measures in place for something this big... it's a bug did it fly here? did it live here. actually who gives a shit

2. What is it doing here?
Like many good films. They often fall down at this point. what the fuck is it doing here and why does it eat people it's not 1950 were not having the same story of ALIENS EAT US!? LOLZ. if it can get here it can at least have a decent excuse for getting here apart from"wanting to eat and destroy stuff"

3. Why do bombs never work?
bombs blow up rocks but this lanky larry apparently doesn't mind a few bombs. bull shit.

4. The blair witch was shit so why copy it badly?

That's not really question but i believe that the aim behind having the POINT OF VIEW shots is so that we have a bond with the dickheads running round and also an element of realism. This does neither as the "monster" is shown to us pretty early on and the need for realism is quashed as a wax crayon drawn daddy long legs is badly slapped on screen. oh noes. I just wished the guy on camera died sooner or there were at least some boobs on screen at some point.

5. Bad story lines needed apply within.

"I've got to go back" - the main guy shouts. here's why he's wrong to go after his lady.

she's having it of with the other guy.
going back always results in death.she should be dead as she had a metal pole through her shoulder which she manages to recover from at an astounding rate.
She's whiny.
People wouldn't do that in real life.


I can sum cloverfield up in one equation;

FLORALAND


done. don't watch it's pump.

DP RANTS

Well I'm not fucking about changing fonts and having flashing shit all of this blog so deal with it.

It's an angry pig and some words. I used paint, it was fair decent so I might use it again.

I'd recommend telling your friends that this site is up.

Firstly lets get some thing clear - a blog is called a DPD. a Dish Pig Diary.

I will be refereed to as DP - dish pig.

that's it. first dpd? my review of the £3 film CLOVER FIELD.